Oct. 2nd, 2014

skylandwarrior: (Default)
Though honestly, I don't think I can call it jealousy… I think it's more… feeling left out? Abandoned? It's stupid, I know… But I just… I get so paranoid that something is going to happen to our friendship again, I know for fact I could not handle that a second time around… I know that by acting the way I want to about the way I feel will only push her away and leave me still losing in the end… She deserves to be able to hang out with other people, to get out of her shithole of a home… But like I said, I just get so paranoid that I'm going to be forgotten or something. Be replaced… Maybe it's from when she was… not ignoring me for the others, but… That's what it felt like… Since all that shit my paranoia level is at an all time high and I feel like shit more and more each day about it. It's stupid, I know but I can't for the life of me push it aside. I'm honestly in a horrible mood most of the time because I feel so shitty about the thoughts that I have. I wish I could just forget about it most days, but I just.. I don't know. I'm so tired of the breakdowns and feeling the way I do, and I should just talk to her about this shit… but how do you bring that up without looking like an ass?… You don't. It'll only ruin things faster...

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skylandwarrior

October 2014

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